A day with a difference....

A cozy night long sleep with cute dreams around followed by a lazy yawn , hide n seek of dark n light, a fresh sunrise, a damp of fresh air, chippering birds, standing up in the balcony with a cup of steaming hot tea, the idea of starting a fresh day can not be better than this.

Alas…no Monday morning starts like this ever…

Added to it if a monday starts with a nasty head ache (due to struggled sleep whole night due to power cut), cough and moreover the pressure to be in office on time then suicide seems to be a much better idea than continuing with the rest of the day.

Such was a day today. In hurry, missed the morning tea too…L

My office serves tea without milk, and today i felt they have stopped sugar supply also…thanks to cost cutting (even if my organization is on headlines for its balance (profit) sheet and the add for the very organization says “expect more from us”).But i had to swallow the tea in two big gulps because my bad throat needed some warmth and I had to take a pill for my headache. A dull me, thanked my boss as I did not have much work today in office. After replying to few mails, making some official calls and doing some daily activities I was left with only a lazy lean day forward. The lazy weather outside supplemented it.

Kolkata’s weather is unique. In summers it leaves u with a chipchipa feeling for 3 long months independent of the sun being harsh or not. And the winter comes with dryness throughout and makes u loose the original colour of your skin…even if u try the costliest fairness cream available in market (I bet on it).

I took a break from my work station and looked through the window. The foot path adjacent to my office building was full of street vendors. Fruits, boiled egg, jhal moori , masala moori, pakoras were handy. Saw people struggling to cross the extremely busy road. The traffic police man was on his toes to balance the vehicles. I come by this route and see all these everyday. But I think there is a difference between ‘seeing’ and ‘watching’. Watching demands concentration and with this theory I was watching all these for the first time. :-)

It was almost lunch time. The mooriwala was surrounded with people and busy in supplying the moori filled paper packets to his customers. One standard moori pack costs 3 to 5 rupees and this was the lunch for most. There may be few who were eating it because they like its taste. But many of them were having it to appease the mid-day hunger and balance the money purse simultaneously. I don’t know how far these moori packs were able to fill their stomach but the 8-10 rupees (cost of a standard lunch plate) DOES make a difference to their purse.

A paan shop was there in a corner. I remembered one day when I took shelter near the paan shop to avoid a sudden pouring while waiting for my vehicle, the lines written on the wall of the paan shop attracted my attention. One line in my mother tongue. Nayak paan dokaan (i.e-Nayak paan shop, nayak being the surname of the shop owner). I at once got excited and asked the paanwala whether he belongs to my state. His reply was affirmative. Then of course, the best possible thing happened and we started talking.

With course of conversation I came to know that he does not own any separate house in the city. He sleeps inside the paan shop only. And the strangest part was the paan shop was just 2/2 window like structure which can not even adjust a sitting person inside along with the other stuffs. (those who have been to Kolkata must have seen such uniquely designed small wall shops in may parts of the city).

I imagined him there in a rainy night, I imagined him there in a stormy night and in a summer and a winter night too. I imagined him not being able to stretch his spine properly all night long. It was scary. The reason, he could not afford a single room in the city as he had a family to run back home.

Next to the paan shop there was a man sitting on the footpath with a display of weird things in front of him. He was new in this ambiance, or may have been left unnoticed by me earlier. I gave a close look to the things just to surprise my senses. It was bunch of all disposed things of a normal household. Used safety pins, cracked mirrors, rubbers, plastic show-pieces, cotton bags with holes and what not? All old, disposed and not at all in a condition to re-use. I could not understand the purpose of its display and ran down to have a conversation with the man. (yes…I did it).

First he got scared, then became submissive and then aggressively started talking. My almost perfect Bengali (only with some pardonable cho, chi, cha type mistakes) eased my initiative of establishing the bond with the man. When asked he said all these are for sale…and my instant, reflex reaction was “WHO THE HELL WILL BUY ALL THESE”? He smiled and said, the people who sleep on footpath, who cook on the footpath, who send their children to beg for a one rupee coin to traffic joints, whose only concern for life is to get a proper meal at the end of the day can obviously not afford the first hand things, or even the second hand ones. They take it and for them only I run my business and feed my family. I was about to tell something when a lady interrupted.

She chose one shilpa bindi packet in which only three, dust filled sticker bindis were left and one red ribbon with stints of ink spots. These cost her 3 rupees and after much bargaining she got it in 2 rupees. The lady left so did I. Nothing much was left for further conversation….

On the way back I looked at my jacket with a Reebok tag on it which had cost 4000 rupees and the hand purse containing all my cash/ creit/ debit cards cost 1200 rupees.


I still don’t know why I felt bad…….why I felt guilty…..why I bought a big pack of fruit cake for the little girl begging me for a penny……….!!

But I knew this much that I wanted to sleep tonight, with some peace inside!!

A start…:-)

A sweet long sleepy day it was…. :) spent more than half of the day on bed, under the blanket, with books around and the laptop on!! Of course, the TV was handy to update me about the outer world (did not need much updates though). Thanks to my maid who made it more comfy with regular supply of hot and delicious food and did not leave my coffee mug empty!! I enjoyed every bit of it, as I finally reached the day after last day of my diet, and the result of the diet plan did not disappoint me much. Moreover I got proper food after 7 days.. :-)

A relaxed mood after a long time compelled me to finish some long pending write-ups and starting some fresh ones. Finally…I made it :-) Am happy...so very happy!

Writing a piece, I felt, is just like conceiving, carrying and delivering a baby. It involves apprehensions, an element of surprise, happiness, bit of discomfort, lots of dos and don’ts, lots of care and caution and of course lots of pain at the end. But the final product gives the unmatched joy, satisfaction never before…develops a rare, exclusive feel. ( I am yet to experience the physical pregnancy :-), but am much experienced with the mental one now :-)

I went through all the whole day.

I just loved it!!

My almost empty blog, I felt, need some pieces of good write ups urgently, and I want the year 2010 to end atleast with a double digit number in my blog space. :-)

Did not get any better a topic than my own experiences in a city am now living in, so close yet so alien…

Come…see the city through my window!!

The City of Joy… :-)

Landing up in Kolkta in a shortest notice, leaving Delhi (the last thing i wanted at that point of time), initial discomforts in the city, the humid climate, not so good experiences with people around left me with disgusts and filled me with much of negativities.I did not know what exactly the agony was and whom my so called rebellion was for? After all shifting to Kolkata was my very own and conscious decision.

There was none who was to be blamed for except the sweaty, chipchipa discomfort I was experiencing. Here I felt like as if each day was a struggle to survive….the metros used to scare me, so as the roads. The taxies used to take a toll on my purse and I repented for the first time for my decision of not learning driving.

Finding an accommodation was just like a live nightmare. The house brokers suggested the best possible accommodations which looked like not less than godown spaces. The old Kolkata was clumsy. The old structures were not left with much space around and staying there was the last thing I could think of. Finally I shifted to a hostel. The ambiance was no different. But it was near my workplace and readily available. I decided to take it up because I was yet to know the city closely. So staying near the workplace was the wisest idea then.

Language was a small difficulty, but the people were much more difficult. Delhi taught me independence, freedom of thought, expression and provided friends. The level of comfort I shared with Delhi, could not be established with Kolkata. I am struggling to establish the same till date. The crowded, thin roads, the hand rickshaws, the yet to be familiar snake-like, curvy routes (everyday I get confused on my way back to home), the rickshaw-wallas, open meat shops, the subzi vendors (who almost cover half of the road with their stuffs), the walking mass who hardly respond to horns and very rarely give space to cross them, above all the stinky ponds, water deposits and garbage mount (Each day I felt like vomiting while crossing those areas) just accelerated my discomfort and non-familiarity with the city. I, put all my efforts, mental strength to find out that only single reason that can establish the bond with the city. I desperately wanted to like the city (wish some day I will be able to replace the word “like” with “love”…though it seems difficult) but in vain.

The Joy Continues… :-)

It was not that the city had nothing of my liking. The list was decent enough. Rich Literature, Regular Theatres, Art Exhibitions, history-rich monuments, feel of british era, touch of Ramakrishna Paramhansa, Swami Vivekanada, Shri Aurobindo, Subhas Bose, Paramhansa Yogananda (surprisingly all my ideals were from this soil only). But books and the theatre were inaccessible as I did not know the language. (Limited translated Bengali literature is available anywhere in India) Belur Math, the only place, provided me with the much needed solace, but it was temporary. Travelling to Belur was just like a war. Over crowded metros, struggling taxies and moreover the dangerous pheris on river Hoogly, (a single unconscious step and you are vanished in the flowing, polluted water of Hoogly), along with all these the Belur visit also demanded a whole single day. Therefore, regular visit to Belur was next to impossible.
The famous kali temples, once visited, did not attract me for the second time. No…no issues with the Godess but the crowded, scary ambiance discouraged me like anything. So, with due respect to the Godess, the best temple I identified , was my heart. I started worshipping all the deities in my heart and mind, and avoided temples. The only innocent reason was I wanted to avoid the uncanny experience in temples.

Over-Joyed..:-)

Loneliness…loneliness mounted as a result. In Delhi I used to enjoy my seclusion. I used to use the time to write, read, browse the internet, or just sleep. I used to enjoy every bit of it. But, to my utter surprise the same seclusion scared me to hell in Kolkata. Many suggested that I should go for a flat mate. Atleast there would be someone at home to talk to. But I did not want to share my much difficultly spotted house (yes…I finally had shifted to a decent flat from the hostel) with any stranger, which I still strongly feel would have only added to my discomforts.

To avoid this, I started trying mixing up with people around. I was more than polite in my approach,(atleast I feel so), after all the need was exclusively mine. But, surprisingly, in return, I got stares, giggles and non-acceptance. The reason was quite clear. Being a girl (which I forget most the times), staying alone, managing the self alone, travelling alone (which at times my job demands), and moreover not having a marriage certificate or at least a sign of the same had made me not less than an alien, who can only be stared from a distance but can not be accepted as one of them. Delhi had not offered me such an experience ever, so I was not prepared for the same. The reaction surprised me….

Another important reason for this was the locality where I was staying. The very next door was owned by a retired clerk in some govt. organization whose only aim to get his 12th pass daughter married was fulfilled long back, the flat exactly below mine was occupied by a small grocery shop owner who did not allow the girls of his family to go out alone ever and next to him was a private school teacher who always made a face when ever he used to see me in denims and talking over mobile. Few of the women of t`he society started coming to my flat (almost in a way of trespassing) and used to verify each room (even the food made in the kitchen) and directly indirectly used to query about my marital status and relationship status along with so many personal questions. This was becoming a kind of headache day by day.

Some of them once sacrificed their so precious early morning sleep and peeped from their respective balconies, to see my cousin who was boarding a taxi at 4 A.M to catch an early morning flight, and i had come down to see him off. With due respect to my ex-neighbors, I still feel sorry to disappoint them and questioning their right to appease their curiosity of finding the truth, which could have further helped them to cook up some masala stuff. Anyways...the truth was that my cousin, who came to Kolkata for some official assignment and whom I had allowed to stay with me for 2 days did not carry any identification cum relationship-tag with him nor did I bother to explain the same to the gentlemen.

My blunt nature and happy-go-lucky attitude which has always been admired by most people around, first time forced me to think twice over its display. I hardly wear salwar kameez, not because I do not like salwars but I prefer denims and tees because its more comfortable, handy and easy to use for a lazy bull like me. But then I consciously bought some salwars and started avoiding sleeveless kurtas. I started tying my hair up, avoided using english language in public places and minimized my public appearances. I did all my shopping (grocery to vegetables, safety pin to gadgets) in shopping malls even if it was an extra burden on my purse. The reason, I wanted to avoid local shops and the stares. But all these only made me feel like a self-made prisoner. I was loosing myself in course.

I started marking a difference within. A kind of unnamed fear was mounting inside me day by day. A fear for the place, the people, the ambiance or may be fear for the mounting fear itself. I remembered that i had not read a single book, written a single paragraph, watched a single pragramme of my choice on TV, had not even tried to see the city through my own eyes, have not lived a single day in the city in my own sweet way since the moment I had arrived in Kolkata. I had almost stopped living for myself. Hobbies were on verge of death and I hardly cared to water them. I felt as if I am trying to be moulded as the city/people want me to. BUT WHY….WHY THE HELL SHOULD I??

One thing then became pretty clear that I did not want to loose myself in the very course…my very own sweet self.

Constipated…:-)

Being thoroughly watched by so many eyes everyday and seeing so many ready candidates to make an entry into my most personal arena in the very next available chance knocked at my mind and suggested me to change the house asap. But again, finding a decent house (keeping in mind conveyance, security, water supply, electricity, rent and moreover the willingness of the landlord to lend me the house even after knowing my marital status) was really a task.

A bugged, pareshaan ME, one night logged on to google (the only thing that assures a minimum 10 pages of solutions for anything in this world) shouting “HELLPPP”.

God in form of Google J helped me…got a link. An add for an independent house available for rent in a better locality with a decent rent amount attracted my attention. I picked up the number posted in the add and dialed instantly. The first line of the house owner seemed like nectar to my ears. A smile peeped on my lips. THE OWNER WAS NOT A LOCALITE AND STAYED IN BANGALORE (Banagaluru now)!! WOW…!!!!! No kich kich..no jhik jhik till the time I would be regular with transferring my rent on time, on line. What better could I expect for??

Difficultly suppressing my ecstasy, I negotiated on other things and fixed up an appointment for next day to see the house. They arranged for the keys.

Next day was welcomed by rain, and it happily made the city hopeless for commuting with in minutes. But the new found ray of hope, the new house, had made me more adamant so I decided to continue with my home search mission in spite of regular and healthy pouring.

A half drenched ME, finally reached the venue after knocking so many wrong doors and apologizing the inmates for disturbing. I finally collected the keys from the neighbours. Another smile peeped up on my lips as I saw a picture of Sai baba on the key ring. I took it as a good omen and a positive sign. I opened the door…

…Darkness welcomed me inside. No tube light was in working condition. So expecting to see the house properly was a hopeless idea at that moment. But the pushy fighter inside me did not let me come back without entering each of the rooms. I switched on the mobile light and verified each room. The ambiance was mystic. I was reminded of each horror movie I had seen till date. But I continued…

The house was big enough for a family of 4 or may be 6. But I had to stay alone there. The locality was decent enough and equipped with 24 hours water supply, generator, in case there is any power-cut and a security guard at the entrance all the time. Most importantly my neigbours were South Indians with much better profiles. They too stared at me, but only to welcome. It full filled almost all my criteria and I instantly decided to shift.

I did not have much stuff with me, so shifting was not a headache. I rented a taxi, rented a coolie and shifted within 2 hours on 31st of the month.

I was still a bit apprehensive about the new place and maintained a low profile. But the apprehension started diminishing with time. Got a maid, got all access to all other amenities, got a promotion, got a friend, got a much needed mental stability and moreover got the WINTER :-) My first winter in Kolkata. I missed the winters in Delhi, but enjoyed the cold blows in Kolkata too. J I unpacked my denims and started wearing them again with a smile on my face. This time I did not see raised eye brows around me. I sighed with relief….FINALLY! :-) :-)

Here after nine long months, when I see the city, I find no change around. The roads, the crowd, the stink, the garbage mounts, and the people are still the same. Same are the stares and non acceptance by a particular mass. But on the other hand, I see its not affecting me anymore. It took me nine long months to adapt and accept Kolkata, and to prepare myself not to be affected much by the whims and fancies of the city. I accepted the polluted water of Ganga and went for boat rides in moon light, the Victoria memorial and the ride on tom tom (horse driven carts) seemed okay, I started enjoying the puchkas on road-sides which was missing in Delhi and I accepted the crowded metros and made a room for myself in its compartments!

Yes…Kolkata is yet to replace Delhi, but the acceptance has made my life much easier. See… I am updating my blog after eight long months, I am writing and smiling …OHH MY GOSHH:-) :-)
The struggle has made me learn so much, the strong ME has become stronger only!!

Before finishing this write up I would like to apologize the Kolkatans, if have hurt them in any way!! (my experiences were exclusively personal not necessarily to be experienced by every new entrant of the city)

So, Guyzzz….its high time i should take your leave and looking forward for your wishes and precious comments….and do not make any change in your travel plans for he city (if any)

:-) :-)

BE BLESSED AND KEEP SHINING!!

Love,

Shree :-)

Heyyy…stop…the sweetest thing I forgot to share- “I can now speak Bengali fluently and have joined A DRIVING SCHOOL!!” :-) :-) :-)